Jokes

[Frump]

Q: How can you tell that a BMW rider and his passenger are having an affair?
A: Their jackets don't match yet!

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Goldwing owners are like magpies. When they see something shiny they pick it up and bolt it to their motorcycle.

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I asked my Harley friend how exactly do "loud pipes save lives"?
His answer was "I'm sorry, what did you say"?

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Why do the British drink warm beer?
Because Lucas makes their refrigerators.

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BMW ~ Beer, Motorcycles, and Women - hmmm... 2 out of 3?

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BMW ~ Broke My Wallet, but But Might Work

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FJR - Funky Japanese Rocketship

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Susuki - Scooter Ultimately Spawns Useful Karma Indeed - wtf?

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[DrmRdr]

What color is the little red school house?
Who is buried in Grants tomb?

[Shooter]

I'm gonna say.....

The school house is RED
and GRANT is buried at his Tomb.

Do I win anything for that?

Shooter

[StarWolve]

For you Pacific Coast riders...

[Dale Ty]

Top Ten Reasons Why Harley Riders Don't Wave Back

10. Afraid it will invalidate warranty
9. Leather and studs make it too heavy to raise arm
8. Refuse to wave to anyone whose bike is already paid for
7. Afraid to let go of handlebars because they might vibrate off
6. Rushing wind would blow scabs off the new tattoos
5. Angry because just took out second mortgage to pay luxury tax on new Harley
4. Just discovered the fine print in owner's manual and realized H-D is partially owned by Honda
3. Can't tell if other riders are waving or just reaching to cover their ears like everyone else
2. Remembers the last time a Harley rider waved back, he impaled his hand on spiked helmet
1. They're too tired from spending hours polishing all that chrome to lift their arms.

Top Ten Reasons Why Gold Wing Riders Riders Don't Wave Back

10. Wasn't sure whether other rider was waving or making an obscene gesture
9. Afraid might get frostbite if hand is removed from heated grip
8. Has arthritis and the past 400 miles have made it difficult to raise arm
7. Reflection from etched windshield momentarily blinded him
6. The espresso machine just finished
5. Was actually asleep when other rider waved
4. Was in a three-way conference call with stockbroker and accessories dealer
3. Was distracted by odd shaped blip on radar screen
2. Was simultaneously adjusting the air suspension, seat height, programmable CD player, seat temperature, and satellite
navigation system
1. Couldn't find the "auto wave back" button on dashboard

Top Ten Reasons Why Sportbikers Riders Riders Don't Wave Back

10. They have not been riding long enough to know they're supposed to
9. They're going too fast to have time enough to register the movement and respond
8. You weren't wearing bright enough gear
7. If they stick their arm out going that fast they'll rip it out of the socket
6. They're too occupied with trying to get rid of their chicken strips
5. They look way too cool with both hands on the bars or they don't want to unbalance themselves while standing on the tank
4. Their skin tight-Kevlar-ballistic-nylon-kangaroo-leather suits prevent any position other than fetal
3. Raising an arm allows bugs into the armholes of their tank tops
2. It's too hard to do one-handed stoppies
1. They were too busy slipping their flip-flop back on

Top Ten ReasonWhy BMW Riders Riders Don't Wave Backs

10. New Aerostich suit too stiff to raise arm
9. Removing a hand from the bars is considered "bad form."
8. Your bike isn't weird enough looking to justify acknowledgment.
7. Too sore from an 800-mile day on a stock "comfort" seat.
6. Too busy programming the GPS, monitoring radar, listening to iPod, XM, and talking on the cell phone.
5. He's an Iron Butt rider and you're not!
4. Wires from Gerbings is too short.
3. You're not riding the "right kind" of BMW.
2. You haven't been properly introduced.
1. Afraid it will be misinterpreted as a friendly gesture.

Top Ten Reasons Why Dual Purpose Riders Don't Wave Back

10. Off road elbow guards, chest protector, fanny pack, drink system binds them up.
9. Bark busters and gummy grips slows the hand from raising quickly.
7. Just can't take time out from doing that 10 mile wheelie through traffic.
9. He's passing street bikes off road on the right @ 60mph through the trees & rocks.
6. Too busy checking his enduro roll chart doing mental time/mile math so he wont blow the next check point.
5. Can't see other bikers through his 20 layers of tear off's.
4. The dude only recognizes Honda's with every after market race part known to man.
3. His killer 2 inch tall knobies vibrate so bad vision is obscured.
2. The chin guard on his full face helmet sticks out so much it blocks his view.
1. He's got his Mauna Kea 200 race face on and can't be bothered.

Top Ten Reasons Why Moped & Ruckus Riders Don't Wave Back

10. Scared s**tless to remove a hand from the bar's.
9.Never road this fast on a two wheel anything before.
8. Full focus three inches from front tire.
7. Freaked out on the extreme right side of the road dogging broken beer bottles and car accident trash.
6. Don't want to lose their grocery's in plastic bags hanging from the bar's.
5. Won't deter from the full attention military riding position.
4. Their mother & grandmother told them it was very, very dangerous.
3. Think it's hoodlum stunt riding.
2. Don't want to chance getting a reckless driving ticket.
1. 25 mph is too damn fast to try something stupid like that.

[Frump]

The testicles of a Texas midget cowboy hurt and ached almost all the time. The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem. The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look.

The midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doctor put one finger under his left [censored] and told the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia.

"Hmm..."mumbled the doctor, and as he put his finger under the right [censored], he asked the midget to cough again.

"Aha!" said the doctor, and reached for his surgical scissors....

Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side . . . then snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side.

The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt. The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining room to see if his testicles still hurt.

The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovered his testicles were no longer aching.

The doctor said, "How does that feel now?" The midget replied, "Perfect Doc, and I didn't even feel it. What did you do?"

The doctor replied, "I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots..."

[Lapchik]

A man stumbles out of the Ace Cafe late at night, and catches the attention of the police officer across the street. The officer knows this area has been a problem and is looking for drunk bikers to arrest. The man falls down on the way to his bike, clumsily puts on his moto gear, forgets his keys are in his pocket, removes his gloves, puts the key in the bike, replaces his gloves on his hands, starts the bike, obnoxiously revs it, and then takes off. The officer pulls him over down the road a ways, and gives him a breathalyzer test. It registers 0.0.
"How is this possible?" the officer asks.
"I'm the designated decoy tonight." Replies the rider.

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Why bikes are better than your significant other

-It won't get mad if you forget its birthday
-You don't have to talk to your bike after you ride it
-Your bike won't wake you up to ask you if you love it
-Your bike won't leave you for a better rider
-You don't have to pay alimony to an ex-motorcycle
-If you say bad things to or curse at your motorcycle, it doesn't expect an apology
-If your motorcycle doesn't look good anymore, you can bolt on new parts
-If your bike makes too much noise, you can get a muffler for it
-If your bike smokes, you can do something about it
-Motorcycles always want to be ridden
-Motorcycles don't care how many other bikes you have ridden
-Motorcycles won't get upset if you go for a weekend ride on a different bike
-Motorcycles only whine when there is an actual problem

[Lapchik]

New 2014 Goldwing pictures have been leaked . . .

[Shooter]

(03-07-2013 11:45 AM)Lapchik Wrote:  New 2014 Goldwing pictures have been leaked . . .

seems the cup holder is still not standard equipment.....lol

Are those seats Russel's?

[Lapchik]

(03-07-2013 10:57 PM)Shooter Wrote:  [quote='Lapchik' pid='262' dateline='1362674745']


Are those seats Russel's?

No, they have 1/32"padding and are harder than brick, they are Corbin